Adventure | Science Fiction | Ghost stories | Poetry | Children | History

Book

Open Original Text

singing, &c.
did well harmonize; I was entirely overcome, and wished to live and
die thus. Lastly, some persons in the place produced some neat baskets
full of buns, which they distributed about; and each person
communicated with his neighbour, and sipped water out of different
mugs, which they handed about to all who were present. This kind of
Christian fellowship I had never seen, nor ever thought of seeing on
earth; it fully reminded me of what I had read in the holy scriptures,
of the primitive Christians, who loved each other and broke bread. In
partaking of it, even from house to house, this entertainment (which
lasted about four hours) ended in singing and prayer. It was the first
soul feast I ever was present at. This last twenty-four hours produced
me things, spiritual and temporal, sleeping and waking, judgment and
mercy, that I could not but admire the goodness of God, in directing
the blind, blasphemous sinner in the path that he knew not of, even
among the just; and instead of judgment he has shewed mercy, and will
hear and answer the prayers and supplications of every returning
prodigal:

 O! to grace how great a debtor
 Daily I'm constrain'd to be!

After this I was resolved to win Heaven if possible; and if I perished
I thought it should be at the feet of Jesus, in praying to him for
salvation. After having been an eye-witness to some of the happiness
which attended those who feared God, I knew not how, with any
propriety, to return to my lodgings, where the name of God was
continually profaned, at which I felt the greatest horror. I paused in
my mind for some time, not knowing what to do; whether to hire a bed
elsewhere, or go home again. At last, fearing an evil report might
arise, I went home, with a farewell to card-playing and vain jesting,
&c. I saw that time was very short, eternity long, and very near, and
I viewed those persons alone blessed who were found ready at midnight
call, or when the Judge of all, both quick and dead, cometh.

The next day I took courage, and went to Holborn, to see my new and
worthy acquaintance, the old man, Mr. C----; he, with his wife, a
gracious woman, were at work at silk weaving; they seemed mutually
happy, and both quite glad to see me, and I more so to see them. I sat
down, and we conversed much about soul matters, &c. Their discourse
was amazingly delightful, edifying, and pleasant. I knew not at last
how to leave this agreeable pair, till time summoned me away. As I
was going they lent me a little book, entitled "The Conversion of an
Indian." It was in questions and answers. The poor man came over the
sea to London, to inquire after the Christian's God, who, (through
rich mercy) he found, and had not his journey in vain. The above book
was of great use to me, and at that time was a means of strengthening
my faith; however, in parting, they both invited me to call on them
when I pleased. This delighted me, and I took care to make all the
improvement from it I could; and so far I thanked God for such company
and desires. I prayed that the many evils I felt within might be done
away, and that I might be weaned from my former carnal acquaintances.
This was quickly heard and answered, and I was soon connected with
those whom the scripture calls the excellent of the earth. I heard the
gospel preached, and the thoughts of my heart and actions were laid
open by the preachers, and the way of salvation by Christ alone was
evidently set forth. Thus I went on happily for near two months; and I
once heard, during this period, a reverend gentleman speak of a man
who had departed this life in full assurance of his going to glory. I
was much astonished at the assertion; and did very deliberately
inquire how he could get at this knowledge. I was answered fully,
agreeable to what I read in the oracles of truth; and was told also,
that if I did not experience the new birth, and the pardon of my sins,
through the blood of Christ, before I died, I could not enter the
kingdom of heaven. I knew not what to think of this report, as I
thought I kept eight commandments out of ten; then my worthy
interpreter told me I did not do it, nor could I; and he added, that
no man ever did or could keep the commandments, without offending in
one point. I thought this sounded very strange, and puzzled me much
for many weeks; for I thought it a hard saying. I then asked my
friend, Mr. L----d, who was a clerk in a chapel, why the commandments
of God were given, if we could not be saved by them? To which he
replied, 'The law is a schoolmaster to bring us to Christ,' who alone
could and did keep the commandments, and fulfilled all their
requirements for his elect people, even those to whom he had given a
living faith, and the sins of those chosen vessels _were already_
atoned for and forgiven them whilst living; and if I did not
experience the same before my exit, the Lord would say at that great
day to me 'Go ye cursed,' &c. &c. for God would appear faithful in his
judgments to the wicked, as he would be faithful in shewing mercy to
those who were ordained to it before the world was; therefore Christ
Jesus seemed to be all in all to that man's soul. I was much wounded
at this discourse, and brought into such a dilemma as I never
expected. I asked him, if _he_ was to die that moment, whether he was
sure to enter the kingdom of God? and added, 'Do you _know_ that your
sins are forgiven you?' He answered in the affirmative. Then
confusion, anger, and discontent seized me, and I staggered much at
this sort of doctrine; it brought me to a stand, not knowing which to
believe, whether salvation by works or by faith only in Christ. I
requested him to tell me how I might know when my sins were forgiven
me. He assured me he could not, and that none but God alone could do
this. I told him it was very mysterious; but he said it was really
matter of fact, and quoted many portions of scripture immediately to
the point, to which I could make no reply. He then desired me to pray
to God to shew me these things. I answered, that I prayed to God every
day. He said, 'I perceive you are a churchman.' I answered I was. He
then entreated me to beg of God to shew me what I was, and the true
state of my soul. I thought the prayer very short and odd; so we
parted for that time. I weighed all these things well over, and could
not help thinking how it was possible for a man to know that his sins
were forgiven him in this life. I wished that God would reveal this
self same thing unto me. In a short time after this I went to
Westminster chapel; the Rev. Mr. P---- preached, from Lam. iii. 39. It
was a wonderful sermon; he clearly shewed that a living man had no
cause to complain for the punishment of his sins; he evidently
justified the Lord in all his dealings with the sons of men; he also
shewed the justice of God in the eternal punishment of the wicked and
impenitent. The discourse seemed to me like a two-edged sword cutting
all ways; it afforded me much joy, intermingled wit

Previous Next